The Formula For Power… (a message for all the gay teens out there)

About a week ago I was commenting on some photos on InstaGram.  Someone had posted a really horrible comment about gay youth and how they should just go ahead and do everyone a favor and end their lives.  They also said some crappy things about the suicide rate rising among gay youths was a good thing, that it was taking care of a problem in society.  These comments were coming from another teenage girl.  It was hard not to get angry at her.  And her friends were equally disgusting.  They freely quoted the bible as the justification for their comments and reasoning. My first reaction was to bombard the posting with comments of my own, which a lot of people seemed to be trying to do.  But these girls were armed with enough information to hurt others, which is what most people do when they don’t understand something.  And most disturbing…they learn this from people in charge.  Parents who say things and people from their church who spew hate while preaching love and tolerance.  I’m not the first person to post something about this so this isn’t anything new.  It feels hopeless to ever try to change their minds or their thinking.

But then I remembered something that I had made a huge difference for me!  I remembered that I don’t have any control over their speaking and thinking.  I don’t have any power over the adults who will continue to pray for us but spew hateful things while singing hymns.  I don’t have any control over any of that.  But….I do have control over me.

I don’t believe I was born any certain way.  I don’t know if God made me this way.  I don’t know if my upbringing, my friends, my baby food, my medicines, my clothes, our financial status when growing up, or having all sisters made me gay.  And in the long run, would any of that really matter?  Would it really matter if any of that was the source of my sexuality?  I love being gay and I thank God every day I got to be the man I am.

So, No.  It wouldn’t matter.  Because here I am now.  Lady Gaga sings Born This Way.  I think it’s something bigger than being born this way and so we can’t help it.  It’s not our fault…we were born this way.  I think Mother Monster actually meant something bigger.  (I love you Lady Gaga!!)

10 years ago I actually chose my life.  I chose the life I have.  I chose to embrace who I knew myself to be and gave my self permission to choose to be gay.  That’s right.  I said I chose to be gay.  I chose everything that is including in that choice.  I am responsible for my life and who I am right now.  Not the people who think they can pray for me or hope I change or ask God to forgive me for my “ways.”

I remembered this while those little girls where saying what they were saying.  I remembered thinking to myself “they don’t have a choice.”  They didn’t have a choice to be accepting or not.  They are being fed this constant stream of out-dated thinking toward other people.  They are baby girls with futures in front of them just like every other child out there.  And their future isn’t any less bright than any other child’s future.  And our job is to educate them that they have a choice, too.  They can choose their life, exactly as it is, and exactly as it isn’t, but they don’t know that!  And when you can choose your life this way, you have freedom.  You have the freedom to be whomever you want to be or not to be.

So, my response to the InstaGram stream was simple.  I hope it makes a difference for anyone out there struggling with this.  Being born this way (any way you think you might have been born) plus choosing the life you have, equals amazing power and freedom.

So to all the teens out there struggling or wondering if something is wrong with you….no matter what anyone says….no matter what anyone in charge may say…no matter what your parents say…no matter what your pastor says….no matter what your family says, you are perfect.  And you are fabulous in every way.  But don’t take my word for it!  The best way to find out if this is true is to go live life so fully and fabulously that even the dirt on the street says how fabulous you are!

Go…live life and be fabulous!  And choose life every time!  If for any reason you, or someone you know, is struggling with their sexuality or thinking they are not worth living life fully, it’s our job to remind them how awesome and amazing they are.

I love you and honor you and wish you nothing but the best in life.  You can email me or comment here if you need any help!  Click the picture below to be taken to the Born This Way Foundation that Lady Gaga and her mom created or you can go to  Thank you for reading and I love you!


4 thoughts on “The Formula For Power… (a message for all the gay teens out there)

  1. Deb says:

    Harold… a most excellent message, even for those of us that are not gay… Thank you for taking your passion and funneling it into a lovely message!


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