What’s So? Funny You Should Ask

Recently I had the pleasure of participating in a fabulous online course with Landmark Education. The course really was designed to give those participating power and freedom in these times we live in. I loved it and got so much out of it!

One of the handouts was a quote from Werner Erhard, a personal hero of mine in the world of personal growth and development. I’ve been a huge fan of his work and always wished I had a chance to participate in some of that earlier work he created and would still love to meet him one day!

The quote was from a talk he did and it was called “What’s So”. It’s a wonderful exercise in getting to what is actually so about anything in your life so that you can deal with THAT and not with the drama and story around what you may perceive as your life. I know I’m paraphrasing here and it’s hard to really boil down all that is in that magnificent document into a paragraph because so much of the intention and spirit of it is left off when I do that. My best friend and I would read the document every day and look at areas of our lives that we had been stuck on or were experiencing lacks of power, freedom, and full self expression. It wasn’t hard to find them especially given this world of pandemic and craziness with the economy and all that good stuff!

One thing we discovered was looking at the document from an “I” perspective really illuminated some interesting concepts that hadn’t shown up in previous readings, so we took the document and redid it in a format that has it speak to the reader like you are talking to yourself. It has been a real revelation for me in so many areas that I just had to share it here!

I’m going to post the two versions of the quote so you can see the difference and use whichever you’d like. I hope it makes a difference for you in whatever area of your life you may be working on. I’m always available to talk to anyone about anything regarding these documents and thanks for being a reader of my website! I know it’s been a while but it is what it is. I decided to get started again so I can keep the creativity flowing!

Here’s the first quoted document in it’s original form followed by the second version in the “I” form. Enjoy!

WHAT’S SO

What’s so is always just what’s so. What’s so doesn’t care what you think, feel, intend or wish; it will not bend. You can be freaked out or driven over what’s so, and it won’t change what’s so. If you’re late for an appointment, getting freaked out about it won’t have you arrive any earlier. If you’re having a bad day, being freaked out won’t change what’s so.

That which you seek will not bring you satisfaction – aligning with what’s so will.

When you’re upset, you’re never upset over what’s so. What’s so is just what’s so, and you’re upset.

If your house burns down and you get upset, does it bring your house back? What’s so doesn’t care if you’re upset; it’s up to you how you handle what’s so. There is no confusion in what’s so. When you don’t know you just don’t know – there is no confusion there.

There’s nothing right or wrong about what’s so. What’s so is always open to different interpretations. There’s always just what’s so, and then you have an interpretation.

What scares you isn’t what’s so, it’s your interpretation. The interpretation is never true; what’s so is real, the interpretation is not.

Who you’re being is just who you’re being, and what’s so doesn’t care if you’re happy with it or not, so why should you? When you’re not being with what’s so, that’s also just what’s so. Why should you concern yourself?

Other people should always be the way they’re being; if you think they shouldn’t, that’s your interpretation. Bring yourself back to what’s so about them. Until you can be with what’s so, you can’t be with anything or anyone. You may have control over other people’s what’s so, but none over their interpretation – give it up.

If you take action or not, it’s still just what’s so. If it works out well or not, it’s still just what’s so. You can never make a right or wrong decision or take a right or wrong action.

Whatever you do will always bring you more of what’s so, and then you have an interpretation about it. Whatever you don’t have, so what? Whatever you’ve done or thought in the past, again so what? Whatever happens in the future is not to be feared. It’s just going to be more of what’s so.

The challenge is to spend as much time in what’s so as you can. The chatter in your head is more interpretation, and it has nothing to do with what’s so. There’s nothing wrong with the chatter, it’s just you listening to a fantasy.

The thought that there is something wrong is an illusion; there is nothing wrong, there is only what’s so.

Notice when you’re comparing what’s so to some fantasy of how it should be. Bring yourself back to what’s so and it will be O.K.

Ask yourself what’s so and align with that. Align with what’s so and it will not matter. That is the foundation of transformation and satisfaction.

Not aligning with what’s so is the only thing that will ever bring you hardship or suffering. Life in what’s so will bring you harmony, grace, and balance.

The other side of what is so is so what.

Werher Erhard

What’s So (“i” Version)Inspired By Werner Erhard

What’s so is always just what’s so. What’s so doesn’t care what I think, feel, intend or wish; it will not bend. I can be freaked out or driven over what’s so, and it won’t change what’s so. If I’m late for an appointment, getting freaked out about it won’t have me arrive any earlier. If I’m having a bad day, being freaked out won’t change what’s so.

That which I seek will not bring me satisfaction – aligning with what’s so will.

When I’m upset, I’m never upset over what’s so. What’s so is just what’s so, and I’m upset.

If my house burns down and I get upset, does it bring my house back? What’s so doesn’t care if I’m upset; it’s up to me how I handle what’s so. There is no confusion in what’s so. When I don’t know I just don’t know – there is no confusion there.

There’s nothing right or wrong about what’s so. What’s so is always open to different interpretations. There’s always just what’s so, and then I have an interpretation.

What scares me isn’t what’s so, it’s my interpretation. The interpretation is never true; what’s so is real, the interpretation is not.

Who I’m being is just who I’m being, and what’s so doesn’t care if I’m happy with it or not, so why should I? When I’m not being with what’s so, that’s also just what’s so. Why should I concern myself?

Other people should always be the way they’re being; if I think they shouldn’t, that’s my interpretation. Bring myself back to what’s so about them. Until I can be with what’s so, I can’t be with anything or anyone. I may have control over other people’s what’s so, but none over their interpretation – give it up.

If I take action or not, it’s still just what’s so. If it works out well or not, it’s still just what’s so. I can never make a right or wrong decision or take a right or wrong action.

Whatever I do will always bring me more of what’s so, and then I  have an interpretation about it. Whatever I don’t have, so what? Whatever I’ve done or thought in the past, again so what? Whatever happens in the future is not to be feared. It’s just going to be more of what’s so.

The challenge is to spend as much time in what’s so as I can. The chatter in my head is more interpretation, and it has nothing to do with what’s so. There’s nothing wrong with the chatter, it’s just me listening to a fantasy.

The thought that there is something wrong is an illusion; there is nothing wrong, there is only what’s so.

Notice when I’m comparing what’s so to some fantasy of how it should be. Bring myself back to what’s so and it will be O.K.

Ask myself what’s so and align with that. Align with what’s so and it will not matter. That is the foundation of transformation and satisfaction.

Not aligning with what’s so is the only thing that will ever bring me hardship or suffering. Life in what’s so will bring me harmony, grace, and balance.

The other side of what is so is so what.

From Original What’s So document by Werner Erhard

Why Ruth’s Chris?

I had dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Houston recently and after I got the invitation I asked myself about that name again.  It has been one of those things that have fascinated me for as long as I can remember.  Why is it called this?  Shouldn’t it be Ruth Chris’s Steakhouse or Ruth Chris’ Steakhouse?  I’m so confused.  I just chalked it up as one of those mysteries I would never know.  And then I found out why and I just had to share it with others who may have felt this same way or had this same question.

ruth

So, first off, there really is a Ruth.  In 1965, Ruth Fertel, a single mom looking for an opportunity, saw a steakhouse for sale in the classifieds. She didn’t know much about restaurants or steak, but she took a chance and mortgaged her home to buy Chris Steak House. Ruth mastered all the ins and outs herself, from butchering and broiling steak perfectly to serving guests. (taken from the website directly)

Ruth worked and lived by the mantra, “Do what you love, love what you do.” She had the reputation of being a driven, hard-working person who never met a challenge not worth overcoming. Ruth was successful because of her strong work ethic and keen ability to understand her guests.

Ruth had never planned to expand, but in 1976 a kitchen fire decimated the property and she was forced to relocate in order to stay in business. Within ten days Ruth had the restaurant up and running. But the Chris Steak House name was not allowed to move with it because the terms of sale when she purchased the restaurant prohibited her from opening a new restaurant with the Chris Steak House name.  Ruth added her own name to the new sign, making it “Ruth’s Chris Steak House.” Now with her own name in lights, the tongue-twisting name was born. Later Ruth admitted the name was strange, but she managed to work around it.

So that’s the answer to the big mystery of the name Ruth’s Chris Steak House.  And, now I’m craving steak.  Damnit.

Ruths_Chris_Logo.svg

It’s Time for a Change

Yesterday was my birthday.  I’m horrible with birthdays, celebrations, and acknowledgements.  For someone so outgoing and extroverted, I can feel so shut down and fearful of people and public situations that it feels a lot like what I think anxiety feels like.  I have no idea when it started, but I guess it doesn’t matter.  I just turned 49 years old yesterday and the same thing happened.  I went to bed the night before so full of hope and excited about the next day.  I walked the dogs and said my prayers like I do every day.  I woke up on Saturday morning, the day of my birthday, and jumped in the shower and did all the stuff I knew to do to go get coffee and hang out with friends.  The problem was I hadn’t made any plans with anyone.  I didn’t want to make plans.  I knew what was happening because I had done it so many years before and so many birthdays. I would wake up and get lost in the day and see how it unfolded.  It usually ended with me being deflated, sad, and even more introverted.  Nobody could have pulled me out of it, and believe me many had tried over the years.  I was always so mortified that I felt that way but it never felt like I had a choice.  It was like a default way of being.  I had no choice.  I fucking hated it and I hated my life during those moments.

That was yesterday.  This is today.  I’m 49 and 1 day today.

I’ve thought a lot today about who I’m going to be for the next 364 days and here’s what I’m thinking.  Recently I was asked to say a little something about myself that I’d like people to know.  I responded with this:

“I love “love” so much, I got the word tattooed on my arm; not only to let others know that love is what I’m all about, but to remind myself when I forget. There is no place I can’t make a difference when love is where I stand. When I embrace all the parts of me that I denied or avoided for so long (my white beard, my being a bear, for instance) it gives everyone permission to completely be themselves around me and in their lives. I can’t think of a greater gift than that.” – Harold Hal Kelly

In thinking about this upcoming year of life I’ve decided to do a couple of things to ensure that by this time next year, I won’t be in the same position of feeling lonely, sad and depressed.  So here’s what I’m going to do…

  1. Each day I’ll share something in my life that I’m grateful for.  It can be anything.
  2. Whatever I say I’m grateful for I’ll take a picture of and post it here or on some other social media.
  3. Celebrate my life and my skills and my accomplishments as I go into my 50’s.
  4. Plan trips to see musicians and bands I love throughout the year.
  5. Go see places I’ve always wanted to see or want to see again this year.
  6. Love what I’m doing and who I’m with or change it immediately.

So that’s my new year.  I have no idea what to expect and that’s part of the appeal here.  I can do nothing and get exactly what I got yesterday and today.  I’d love to think that I can keep this going on my own but I’ll need reminders from time to time.  I’ll put it in my calendar to remind me…that’s a good start.

So here’s to the next year…a year of gratitude, love and celebration of life.  Thanks for reading and thanks for your support over the years.  Lets do this…17991167_10212928497350880_2007424354697771822_n

It’s time for Pride 2017

Hey everyone!  So I got to be a part of the fabulous P.R.I.D.E. Portraits photo lineup and I was so proud to be asked!  There are so many fabulous Houstonians in this lineup I can’t even tell you.

I’m not going to say a lot about it, because it just speaks for itself.  I was asked what I wanted the world to know about me and the statement included just sort of came up for me.  It wasn’t hard to think about who I am at this time in my life.   Here’s what I said I’d like people to know about me:

When I embrace all the parts of me that I denied or avoided for so long (my white beard, my being a bear, for instance) it gives everyone permission to completely be themselves around me and in their lives. I can’t think of a greater gift than that.” – Harold Hal Kelly #gay #lesbian#trans #queer #ally #intersex #bi#prideportraits #equality #instagay #bear#beard #lgbT #FABULOUS #love #lovewins #downtownhal

 

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Checkmate…

Checkmate

 

This note I found on the web today made me laugh so hard I spit up my coffee.  It’s one of the best ever.  I’m not usually a fan of spiking food, but this was so awesome I just had to share it.

 

The note says the following…

To the food stealers,
It has been about a month now since my brownies started disappearing randomly. Even though my name was on the tub. My husband helped my 9yo daughter bake them for me, so I hope you enjoyed them as much as I couldn’t. My previous fridge notes fell on deaf ears, so I decided to take more direct action.

So I made an anonymous report to HR. Something about culture of drug use and the potential liability to the company blah blah. That is why we all had to do a random drug screen yesterday.

And did I forget to mention that for the last two weeks I have been spiking the brownies with marijuana? Not much, not enough to give you a buzz. Just enough to show up on a drug screen.

CHECKMATE.

 

 

Starbucks. Equality. Cool Pics…

I found some of these cool pictures of Starbucks coffee cups and they inspired me to share!

I’m drinking my triple espresso with 3 sugars right now and wishing the whole world could just grab a cup of coffee together!

Enjoy the pics and get out there and get some coffee today from a company that supports marriage equality for all of us.  Great job!!

Go to Starbucks Today…Celebrate Equality

 

After traditional marriage advocates came out en masse for Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day last week, gay marriage activists are planning to swarm Starbucks on Tuesday to show their support for companies that offer same-sex partner benefits.

Today’s National Marriage Equality Day is a “direct response” to conservative commentator Mike Huckabee’s Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, which the chicken company said led to “record-setting” sales last week.

“It felt like the right wing groups were showcasing Aug. 1 as ‘This is how America feels,'” said Kirsten Ott Palladino, the editor of an online same-sex wedding magazine, Equally Wed, who, along with her wife, started the equality day effort. “We are wanting to say, ‘This isn’t all of America and we can come out and support our businesses too.”

The controversy began after Chick-fil-A’s president, Dan Cathy, was widely quoted as opposing same-sex marriage. “I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage,'” he said.

Palladino told ABC News the day was originally planned as Starbucks Appreciation Day, to show support for a company that, unlike Chick-fil-A, supports same-sex marriage and offers benefits to same-sex couples. But Starbucks managers asked Palladino to expand the effort to include other companies that are supporters of LGBT rights, a change Palladino said she happily made.

“In the end I think that I’m happier with it becoming this because it’s not just supporting businesses that support marriage equality, but also non-profits that are working tirelessly and sometimes thanklessly to support marriage equality in this country,” she said. “At the end of the day it’s not just about seeing how many lines we’re wrapping around Starbucks.”

To see a full list of businesses the equality day is celebratingclick here.

More than 28,500 people have said on Facebook they will join in Tuesday’s appreciation day, about twice as many attendees as there were for the Chick-fil-A kiss-in that other LGBT advocates held on Friday. About 12,000 people signed up on Facebook for the kiss-in, which urged same-sex couples to take a photo of themselves kissing outside a Chick-fil-A.

While much of the furor over Chick-fil-A died down following Wednesday’s appreciation day, advocates are continuing their call for companies associated with the chicken chain to break ties. On Tuesday activists will deliver 80,000 petition signatures to HarperCollins, which publishes the Berenstain Bears books being given out with Chick-fil-A kids’ meals.

(story courtesy of ABC News)

Strawberry, Feta, Balsamic and Basil…oh and Basia! Fabulous!!

Strawberry

Strawberry (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Posted this recipe a while back and it is STILL amazing. The recipe is super, super simple. It really is the mixture of Strawberries, Feta cheese, Balsamic Vinegar and fresh chopped basil. I swear if there anything more magical, I don’t know what it is! So here’s my partner doing the mixing and chopping. Of course I was about 40lbs heavier than I am right now…but it’s worth it to post it again since it’s such an amazing recipe! BTW…the music is from Basia (one of my absolute all time favorite singers in the whole entire planet!)

 

 

Space 1999….it’s coming

 

 

 

It’s only a matter of time before we are hanging out on the moon in real life.  Space 1999 was one of my most favorite shows ever.  I loved it.  I watched it every chance I got.  It was so ahead of its time that I never really got over it.  Seeing the Mars pictures today and the images that NASA posted of the landing really inspired me and reminded me of how awesome our technology and power is.  The computer that is being used to operate the rover is the same as the memory board that was in the old iMac 3’s.  I think the article said it was used from a blue one specifically…not that it matters but it’s pretty damn amazing.  That same technology that is in our iPhones can communicate and roam the universe.  Pretty awesome day to be human.  And pretty awesome day for our future.  Who knows what’s next?  Space…1999 style is just around the corner!

Keep Calm…

and land on Mars!  Congrats to the amazing team at NASA!  What an awesome job you guys did.  Super proud to be an American today…but mostly just proud of the human spirit and our desire to seek out new life and new places.  Love it!

With Curiosity now safely on the surface of the Red Planet after last night’s spectacular entry, descent and landing in Gale Crater, NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory begins its planned primary one-Martian-year (98-week) mission of discovery and exploration.