Category: God help me!

It’s Time for a Change

1 Comment

Yesterday was my birthday.  I’m horrible with birthdays, celebrations, and acknowledgements.  For someone so outgoing and extroverted, I can feel so shut down and fearful of people and public situations that it feels a lot like what I think anxiety feels like.  I have no idea when it started, but I guess it doesn’t matter.  I just turned 49 years old yesterday and the same thing happened.  I went to bed the night before so full of hope and excited about the next day.  I walked the dogs and said my prayers like I do every day.  I woke up on Saturday morning, the day of my birthday, and jumped in the shower and did all the stuff I knew to do to go get coffee and hang out with friends.  The problem was I hadn’t made any plans with anyone.  I didn’t want to make plans.  I knew what was happening because I had done it so many years before and so many birthdays. I would wake up and get lost in the day and see how it unfolded.  It usually ended with me being deflated, sad, and even more introverted.  Nobody could have pulled me out of it, and believe me many had tried over the years.  I was always so mortified that I felt that way but it never felt like I had a choice.  It was like a default way of being.  I had no choice.  I fucking hated it and I hated my life during those moments.

That was yesterday.  This is today.  I’m 49 and 1 day today.

I’ve thought a lot today about who I’m going to be for the next 364 days and here’s what I’m thinking.  Recently I was asked to say a little something about myself that I’d like people to know.  I responded with this:

“I love “love” so much, I got the word tattooed on my arm; not only to let others know that love is what I’m all about, but to remind myself when I forget. There is no place I can’t make a difference when love is where I stand. When I embrace all the parts of me that I denied or avoided for so long (my white beard, my being a bear, for instance) it gives everyone permission to completely be themselves around me and in their lives. I can’t think of a greater gift than that.” – Harold Hal Kelly

In thinking about this upcoming year of life I’ve decided to do a couple of things to ensure that by this time next year, I won’t be in the same position of feeling lonely, sad and depressed.  So here’s what I’m going to do…

  1. Each day I’ll share something in my life that I’m grateful for.  It can be anything.
  2. Whatever I say I’m grateful for I’ll take a picture of and post it here or on some other social media.
  3. Celebrate my life and my skills and my accomplishments as I go into my 50’s.
  4. Plan trips to see musicians and bands I love throughout the year.
  5. Go see places I’ve always wanted to see or want to see again this year.
  6. Love what I’m doing and who I’m with or change it immediately.

So that’s my new year.  I have no idea what to expect and that’s part of the appeal here.  I can do nothing and get exactly what I got yesterday and today.  I’d love to think that I can keep this going on my own but I’ll need reminders from time to time.  I’ll put it in my calendar to remind me…that’s a good start.

So here’s to the next year…a year of gratitude, love and celebration of life.  Thanks for reading and thanks for your support over the years.  Lets do this…17991167_10212928497350880_2007424354697771822_n

Welcome Back

1 Comment

Well well.  Look what the cat dragged in!  It’s been several years since I’ve posted on my blog.  And while a lot has happened since 2012 when my life changed dramatically,  My relationship of over 8 years had come to an abrupt end and, to be honest, I’ve been sort of lost since that time.  I’ve been lucky to be in a short relationship with a really great guy, but I was an idiot and didn’t understand what was going on with me or in my life at that time.  This is the longest I’ve been single in such a very long time.  It’s been quite an adjustment to say the least.

So I hope you’ll forgive me for my long absence.  I’m honestly not even sure who’s out there still reading any of this.  But I thought it would be a good idea to get it going again.  If anything just to reclaim some part of myself that I’d lost since life got upturned.  I don’t regret a single thing since everything changed, but I was not prepared for the depths of depression I’d enter and not even realize.  Talk about a fog.  A fog of the soul is kind of how it felt.

Less fog these days..more love.  It’s a start.  I’m just about ready to give up fighting and let the light back in.  I know it sounds cheesy.  But I gotta try.  So there it is.  That’s my update for now.  It’s a start, and I just had to get back on the beam.

Music Cat

Go to Starbucks Today…Celebrate Equality

Leave a comment

 

After traditional marriage advocates came out en masse for Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day last week, gay marriage activists are planning to swarm Starbucks on Tuesday to show their support for companies that offer same-sex partner benefits.

Today’s National Marriage Equality Day is a “direct response” to conservative commentator Mike Huckabee’s Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, which the chicken company said led to “record-setting” sales last week.

“It felt like the right wing groups were showcasing Aug. 1 as ‘This is how America feels,'” said Kirsten Ott Palladino, the editor of an online same-sex wedding magazine, Equally Wed, who, along with her wife, started the equality day effort. “We are wanting to say, ‘This isn’t all of America and we can come out and support our businesses too.”

The controversy began after Chick-fil-A’s president, Dan Cathy, was widely quoted as opposing same-sex marriage. “I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage,'” he said.

Palladino told ABC News the day was originally planned as Starbucks Appreciation Day, to show support for a company that, unlike Chick-fil-A, supports same-sex marriage and offers benefits to same-sex couples. But Starbucks managers asked Palladino to expand the effort to include other companies that are supporters of LGBT rights, a change Palladino said she happily made.

“In the end I think that I’m happier with it becoming this because it’s not just supporting businesses that support marriage equality, but also non-profits that are working tirelessly and sometimes thanklessly to support marriage equality in this country,” she said. “At the end of the day it’s not just about seeing how many lines we’re wrapping around Starbucks.”

To see a full list of businesses the equality day is celebratingclick here.

More than 28,500 people have said on Facebook they will join in Tuesday’s appreciation day, about twice as many attendees as there were for the Chick-fil-A kiss-in that other LGBT advocates held on Friday. About 12,000 people signed up on Facebook for the kiss-in, which urged same-sex couples to take a photo of themselves kissing outside a Chick-fil-A.

While much of the furor over Chick-fil-A died down following Wednesday’s appreciation day, advocates are continuing their call for companies associated with the chicken chain to break ties. On Tuesday activists will deliver 80,000 petition signatures to HarperCollins, which publishes the Berenstain Bears books being given out with Chick-fil-A kids’ meals.

(story courtesy of ABC News)

Facebook Sideswiping & Superman’s Racist Alter-Identity…

3 Comments

Sideswipe:

  1. A glancing blow on or along the side
  2. An incidental critical remark
  3. An unexpected criticism of someone or something while discussing another subject
  4. A character in the Transformers cartoon series known for acting hastily, often at the expense of the safety and/or happiness of others around him

I love Facebook.  I love getting on and seeing what everyone is up to and kind of checking in with my friends and family.  It’s one of the highlights of my morning and even makes me happy throughout the day to periodically check in and see what people are up to.  Lately, though, I’ve been a little less optimistic about hopping on Facebook without a sense of trepidation.  Seeing my stream open up on the browser, I scroll down a little slower than I used to.  I do this for two reasons…

Number one, I don’t want to see that someone I thought I loved (or liked) has posted something about politics and/or this whole chicken thing which shall remain nameless in this post.  It probably wouldn’t be too bad if it wasn’t so damn mean spirited lately.  I mean getting on Facebook used to be about friendship and camaraderie.  Now I can’t stand to see the opinions and comments of people who disagree with mine.  I didn’t used to be that way.  I used to be all about sharing and agreeing to disagree and even encouraged others to have their point of view and debate me.  Now…there is no debate.  Now there is righteousness and a real sense of anger and sometimes entitlement.  And this counts for both sides…I’m not just talking about people I’d consider to be on “my side” of the conversations.  I’m talking about everyone lately.

Number two, I don’t want to see people I respect highly post a remark or comment about something I’m passionate about changing.  I consider myself a smart guy…really.  I’ve been told over my life that I have a keen sense of seeing how things are and an even keener ability to affect change in the world.  But seeing people I’ve agreed to be friends with on Facebook post something that seems SO counter to what I believe, it literally makes me doubt my abilities to choose friends.  I mean when I see someone confusing this issue of free speech with an issue that is clearly about something else, it really makes me wonder how smart these people are that I once admired…even looked up to.  And it more than irritates me…it hurts.  I think to myself…how in the hell did I get it so wrong to think that they would be someone I’d look up to?

It’d be like if Clark Kent all of a sudden posted something on Facebook about being FOR “white” rights since it seems everyone else is getting rights except for the white people.  Clark may post something like “Nothing against the rights for blacks and Mexicans because I think they have a right to be brown or black…but I didn’t choose to be white so I think I should be entitled to the same rights as they get.  It’s not about White Power…it’s about power for all!”  This is totally how this whole chicken thing has occurred to me lately.  SOOOOO off kilter and ignorant with nobody doing any critical thinking about how this surely must occur to the gay men and women it affects.  Seriously?  Of course…Superman is for everyone’s rights.  But Clark has “different ideals.”

So I scroll down my friends posts a little slower so I can catch the hurtful things before they are thrust into my brain without any warning.  Kind of like porn flashing in front of your screen…you can’t get that out of your head for a while.  It sticks with you.  Sarah Palin holding a bag of chicken sandwiches in your neighborhood sticks with you.  Seeing people in line waiting to buy chicken to support a companies right to have opinions that seem so outdated and insulting sticks with you.  Seeing the people close to you post a “word-picture” of something that is so offensive, sticks with you.

So I scroll a little slower these days.  I don’t like to have to do that on Facebook.  And I don’t like to have to be forced to relive those days of not being accepted when I was younger.  Those days when I never knew who would be walking down the hall on my way to class and would scream out the word “faggot” and make everyone laugh or look at me.  My life is a little more evolved than that now.  I don’t put myself in those situations just like as a sober man I don’t go to places where they will be using crack cocaine or things that may hurt me.  But how do you do that on Facebook…the place that is supposed to be our world community of friends and family?  The answer is you don’t.  People are going to have opinions (like I have this opinion I’m writing about in this blog post.)  They are going to have opinions that differ from mine, no matter how outdated and offensive they may seem.  BUT.  I don’t have to be a part of it.  I don’t have to stay friends with these people to hopefully make a difference with them in the future.  My days of trying to be a good gay guy that would hopefully make people see that gay people are good and loving and contributing members of society are done.  I’m tired of empowering others to have their freedom to speech and different ideas.  There comes a time when ideas have to change.  When the line between your right to have your opinion and my right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are crossed.  All men are created equal.  That’s what we all agree is our founding principle.  It’s now time for a change and I don’t know how to make that change happen but we are on the cusp of something here in America.  It’s only a matter of time before change happens.  We are all hoping, secretly, that all people really do have the right to be happy and love who they want and have the freedom to be who they want to be.  I for one am sorry I held my lips closed for so long about the people who don’t or who won’t.  Don’t let my lack of saying something about it make you think that I’ve supported it or that because I’ve been quiet about it means that it should stay that way anymore.  It doesn’t.

So the next time you are sitting at your desk, or on your couch, and you pull up your Facebook page, don’t be alarmed if you don’t see my posts in your feed anymore.  And don’t be surprised if you can’t post anything to my wall or comment on my posts.  The only way to affect change at the moment is to empower myself and not let any of that negative BS live for long around me.  No offense.  I’m just tired of you driving in my lane and sideswiping me.

By the way, meet Foreskin Man.  He fights for the newborn baby boys who don’t have the power to fight for themselves against their enemies.

He’s a blond, blue-eyed superhero out to protect newborn boys from a menacing, hook-nosed rabbi named Monster Mohel, for whom “nothing [is more exciting] than cutting into the penile flesh of an eight-day-old infant boy.”

Enjoy your day and thanks for reading!

@downtownharold.com

Edible Brownie Santa Hats for your Holiday Party

Leave a comment

While looking for some fun ideas to do for holiday parties this year, my catering team and I came up with a very simple idea to do with strawberries, icing and brownies.  We made little Santa Hats with the ingredients and presented them a few different ways to show them off.  As normal, I took all the shots with my iPhone.  If you need the recipe for any of the items, let me know.  I’m happy to share!

Donate to Hate and get Chicken. Sounds fair to me!

Leave a comment

While I’m not really surprised by this, I have to say this is pretty strange.  It’ll be interesting to see 10 years from now when we look back on all this and see who participated in this and chose to give money to a company that has publicly said they are against equality for all people (in their own special way).  I know I’m paraphrasing…but no matter what you think…it’s segregation now…segregation forever.  And now politicians who are in bed with these extremest religious groups are making their alliances public.  So go ahead…donate to hate.  But one day we’ll look back and remember who choose to do the right thing.

Our Marriage…

1 Comment

Our Marriage...

I love this picture…it’s very brave and I appreciate the couple who took it. Thank you for sharing yourselves this way! I love you guys!

The definition of marriage has changed two times in American history to accommodate changing views and culture.  It can…and will…change again.

It’s only a matter of time…

But why would you?

13 Comments

Whatever happened to class? There used to be a time when whether you were Republican or Democrat, you maintained a sense of decorum. Some sense of respect for the humanity of the other. I saw this picture of Sarah Palin and her husband going to Chic Fil A while here in Houston this past week. They NEVER would have eaten at that dump if she was just here visiting someone on her own. They never would have gone to a fast food restaurant. And they never would have gone to one that would cause so many people to be repulsed and reactivated as this particular visit. This completely demonstrates why she never went any further in politics and why others that operate this way don’t really make the difference they say they are out to make. Sarah Palin had such an opportunity to gracefully and graciously point out the freedom of business to operate as it wishes under whatever principles it chooses. But going there and not being sensitive that it would cause so much hatred and pain is what separates her from the real leaders of this world. I don’t care about her. I’d never vote for her in anything she would ever run in. But I did have respect for her being willing to stand up for what she believed was right. But…and this is a big but…going to such a divisive and potentially further hurtful place in such a personal way is her right. But why would you?

20120728-090906.jpg

The real boycott on August 1st…

Leave a comment

The long and short of it– on 8/1 (the day Mike Huckabee wants Chick-Fil-A supporters to patronize the restaurant) go to Chick-Fil-A. Ask for a large water and nothing else. See if they adhere to Proverbs 25:21 and give it to you. If they do, yay! You took a few cents from their hate fund! If they don’t, well…I guess they’re proving their principals aren’t so “biblical.”

Watch the video and if you’re in, pass the word on, please and share this post! #Proverbs2521