a little hope, laughter and love

When I first heard the following statement I thought I was going to fall out of my chair. Seriously. It knocked me off my butt. The statement went something like this… Incomplete Work + A Really Good Excuse ≠ Complete Work.

I’m not going to write a lot about this since it is pretty self explanatory.  But I will say this… just SEEING this post it note rocks my world again.  I often think I’m doing complete work having a bunch of stuff I’m doing at the same time…none of it finished of course.

I don’t know about you…but a lot of the time when I’m working on stuff that involves a lot of work or thinking it really takes something to get it complete.  And by complete I actually mean that there is NOTHING left to do regarding what I’m working on.  Not “complete for now”.  Not “Complete until I get this or that”.  I mean complete and whole and not requiring further attention.  Some things are easy to complete.  They may just involve an answer to a question or a quick email.  But other things that require more time and/or effort I sometimes fool myself into thinking they are “complete” by offering a good excuse or two.

Then a really smart lady I knew said to me…”Harold, doing incomplete work, then offering me an excuse why you didn’t get it done doesn’t mean it’s complete.  So don’t kid yourself.”  Whoah!  She was so right.  So sitting in Starbucks today I looked at my folder of post-it notes and realized I’ve been hesitant to get started with the next note.  I’ve had all sorts of excuses for why I stopped writing.  I even had a friend say “I guess your project with your notes didn’t go as well as you’d hoped.”  Damnit.  I guess I deserved that.  I had suddenly stopped for no reason.  But it’s time to get back  in action.

Last week, while listening to my favorite podcast (Dean Dwyer’s Making Shift Happen) I realized that I had a practice that I had in place that empowered me and I wasn’t doing that anymore.  I’m not sure why I stopped doing it…but I had.  Every day I learned something new or heard something really cool I’d put it on a post-it note and put it on this piece of art I have in my office.  I’ve had this piece of art for over 10 years.  It’s not really art…it probably has no value to anyone other than me.  It’s a lithograph of Picasso’s The Joy of Living.  It’s old and faded and has chips in the frame and scratches from being moved around over the years.  Again, it probably has no value to anyone other than me because I’ve had it for so long.  I just like having something called The Joy of Living around me.  It inspires me to know that’s what it is…so I’ve kept it.

Some time two years ago, I started to hang post it notes along the frame of the picture to remind me of cool things I’d learned.  It worked.  I’d look at this every day.  And I’d read something I needed to read for that very day.  It was my own personal inspiration board.  And people would come into my office to look at the board.  They would see the quotes I had posted and they’d get something from it too.  So it worked for everyone!  It was my inspiration.

At the end of the year I’d take all the post it notes off the board and wipe it clean for the new year.  I put all the post-it notes in a file folder for the year so I could look back on them if needed.  So I have two folders from the past two years filled with notes and inspirations and good stuff.  I love it.

But this year…I’ve left the board blank.  It’s not that I’ve not been inspired or haven’t heard anything motivating or positive.  It’s just, for whatever reason, I stopped sharing.  I stopped taking a moment and putting it on a post-it note and putting it on the artwork.  And you know what?  I forgot.  I forgot I used to do it and I forgot to start it back up.  Something that worked so well for me and that I loved to do, I stopped doing it.  Why I stopped isn’t important.  But today I remembered.

Sometimes we stop doing what works because we think we don’t need to continue it or because we’ve grown out of it.  When I was trying to lose a bunch of weight recently I wrote down everything I ate.  It wasn’t hard.  It only took a moment.  And my trainer and I could look at what I had eaten and determine if I needed to make any changes.  It really worked so well.  I recorded my exercise.  I did it on my iPhone and that seemed to work really well.  Then one day, I stopped doing it.  Maybe I got bored.  Maybe I just got busy.  Maybe a little of both.  But I stopped doing something that worked for me.  Today I started back up.

Today I put up a couple of post-it notes.  One of them was something I’d learned a very long time ago…that no matter where you are…you have to start right there.  If you used to do something that worked for you, but for whatever reason you stopped doing it, you can start doing it today…right now.  You have to start right where you are.  There’s no other place to start really!

The pictures below are my board from last year.  The first picture is my new board for this year.  You can click on the images below to see some of the notes close up.  There’s no better time than right now to start back up!  It really is doing what works!

What can you start back up that you haven’t been doing or practicing?

A while back when I worked for a personal growth and development company I learned about a technique for getting things done.  And trust me there was a lot to get done when you are in that business.  You’re never really going to get it all done so you carry it all around with you hoping you’ll get around to it…one day….maybe some day….but not really today.

One of the techniques my coach taught me in preparing my seminars and work for the day, was to work in 20 minute increments.  He called it the Multiple Put Down Method.  Literally…you are putting down what is in front of you multiple times until you get it done.  Along the vein of what I was sharing about this morning regarding what you put your attention on, this is one tip that continues to make a difference for me.

Here it is: work on a task in 20-minute increments, with absolute focus, and then put it down, over and over, until you’re done. In this case, the gold is in the details, so please follow them exactly:

• Alert your brain that a task is coming that will require its recall, creativity, and brilliance (yes, your brain is brilliant–thank your parents). Then let some time pass–a day, perhaps.
• When you’re ready to start, set a timer for 20 minutes, such as the stopwatch feature on an iPhone. Set your cell phone to airplane mode, turn off your email, and silence all other distractions. Then hit start on the timer.
• During the 20 minutes, you must focus on that task without interruption. And unless the building burns down, do nothing but work on that task until the timer goes off. You may hit the wall, but keep going. The vast majority of people find they can work on that task “in the zone” until the timer goes off.
• After 20 minutes, you have a choice: keep working or take a break. If you keep working, reset the timer to 20 minutes and go through the process again, without interruption until the next 20 minutes are up. If you decide to take a break, it can be short (such as refilling your coffee cup), medium (returning a phone call) or long (going into a meeting, or working out).

That’s it. You pick it up and put down over and over, hence the name “Multiple Put Down.” Some data, my own experience, and reports from the thousands of people who have learned the technique is that you are much more efficient–often finishing a task in 30-50% of the time it would take if you worked on it in one sitting. Even better, the quality of the work is far superior than if you followed your mother’s advice of “start early and just get it done.” There are other benefits, too: less stress, reduced frustration, and a general feeling of being brilliant. Multiple Put Down will save you hours.

There are several advantages to the Multiple Put Down technique. The first is that your brain is brilliant at running processes in the background, but is awful at multitasking. While you’re driving to work, in the shower or answering email, your brain will be working in the background on the task, so that when you’re ready, it’ll drain through your fingers, into your computer or notepad, for about 20 minutes. The break allows your brain to restock the supply of brilliance. Each time you go through the process is a “productivity unit.”

Here are some tasks that are perfectly suited for Multiple Put Down: writing a report, preparing a pitch for a client or boss, figuring out how to solve a tough problem.  It took me about 30 productivity units to get this blog back up and running after my little technology learning experience.

Here’s my challenge to you: right now, take a task that’s nagging at you and use Multiple Put Down on it. I hope you’ll share how it goes by posting a comment below.

(Some of the material here is pulled from Dave Logan’s article on time management.  You can also read about some of this in the Three Laws of Performance book.  Great stuff.  Graduates of the Landmark Forum will adore it.)

Well…I haven’t been in the 220′s for about 10 years.  The last time I remember being this light was just after September 11th happened. At that time I was 225…and that was the heaviest I’d ever been.  I don’t know how I got to 265 since that time…but for sure it was 1 pound at a time.  So, working out and diet always comes down to be the answer.  Lord knows I held out for my doctor to give me that secret pill that they hide and never share.  It’s cool though…I can own my weight loss.  It’s only been 4 months and when I lose 2 more pounds by Sunday (I can sort of tell it’s going to happen) I’ll be at 225 and will have lost 40 pounds.  That’s almost 10 pounds a month.  How the heck did that happen??

I started thinking last night…what the hell am I gonna do when I get to an ideal weight?  Will I have the willpower and courage to maintain it?  People have already sort of gotten used to me being lighter and I’m certainly not obsessing over my weight.  But I’ve never been able to hold it off for long.  But something feels different this time.  This feels like a lifestyle change for sure.  I’m happy with my health…and am getting better every day.  I’ve gone from taking a 300mg blood pressure medication to a 10mg one…my blood pressure is textbook perfect now.  I’ll keep you posted on how I continue to do.  I appreciate all the love and support during my whiney times and my bitching.  I can’t promise I won’t do it again…but at least I’m lighter for getting it all out and getting back on track.

I think I’m beginning to get a little better understanding of what is happening on the planet at this time.  All of this talk of gay rights, Christianity and chicken got me so upset over the last week that I seriously began to doubt that we, as a species, would ever really find a way out of this.  It felt hopeless.  I have never felt the level of despair and hopelessness I’ve felt recently.  As bad as it has ever gotten for me and my life, and believe me I’ve had some rotten times mixed into the great stuff, I’ve never ever lost hope that it could get better.  Until I saw how people treated each other this past week.  The things that were said were hurtful on both sides.  All of a sudden you either believed in Jesus Christ and his selected bible passages…or you were a total heathen and deserved death, hatred, or at the very least, to be vilified.

I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life for the most part.  I didn’t have the same experience of coming out as a lot of teenagers and others have had.  My parents accepted me the minute I told them I was gay.  That was at 11 years old.  At 9 years old I remember telling my dad that I was different than the other boys.  I didn’t know why I was different…I just remember liking my boy friends and loved being with them.  My dad and I sat on the floor in my parent’s bedroom and talked about it.  He assured me that there was not a thing wrong with my feelings nor about my feeling different.  He told me it was normal and that it may change, but not to worry about it…just be myself.  Then we listened to music together…Roger Whittaker to be exact.  The song I remember from that time is New World in The Morning.  The lyrics went like this:

Everybody talks about a new world in the morning.

A new world in the morning so they say.

I, myself don’t talk about a new world in the morning.

A new world in the morning, that’s today.

And I can feel a new tomorrow comin’ on.

And I don’t know why I have to make a song.

Everybody talks a bout a new world in the morning.

New world in the morning takes so long.

I’m very appreciative of my parent’s love and acceptance of me.  Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t experience that kind of love like I did.  Whenever I did experience being called a fag or other hateful words intended to hurt me, I paid no attention.  I embraced it for the most part.  If you were going to call me fag or gay, then I’d be the best fag or gay you’d ever met.  It was the ultimate in revenge really.  In Junior High and High School I went so far as to wear makeup to school and dress in crazy clothes.  Luckily it was the 80’s so you could pretty much get away with crazy stuff like that and everybody thought it was cool….mostly.

So here we are in 2012 and arguments are being started, wires are being crossed and a few people are stirring the pot for whatever reason.  It reminded me when I read Plato’s Republic.  The metaphor of the cave in particular, I believe, applies to this situation.  There are a group of people in a cave.  (cave could be interpreted to be life here).  The people inside the cave can only look upon the shadows cast upon the wall of the cave before them. Light comes to them from a great fire burning behind them, higher up, and at a distance. Located between this fire and the people of the cave is a road at a higher level along this road a low wall has been built. Here other people have puppets, which they use to cast the shadows upon the cave wall.

These shadows are given names by the people in the cave, and they consider them to be real things. However anyone outside of the cave in the bright sunlight would no longer see the shadows (or be under the illusion manifested by the puppet show). The people inside the cave cannot stand the bright light of the sun outside, and so always avert their eyes back to the shadow wall.

These are the people who seem to be asleep to the spiritual world, dreaming a dream of worldly consciousness, and afraid of waking up. The process of ‘waking up’ or turning away from the obsession with ego, and the mundane awareness, away from the shadows and back toward the light, is Metanoia – the transformation of the mind from that which is worldly to that which is the light of true consciousness.

People, at any time, can choose to not be enamored by the shadows in the cave.  The shadows have names…freedom of religion, the right of a business to operate however they want, the right to be married, the fear of God’s wrath when we say we know better than Him.  All of this is just a temporary distraction from what is really going on here…there is a brighter place that we have feared to go to together.  There are puppets used as distractions so we stay in the cave.  There is fear that you will wake up and stop believing all this.  But it’s really hard to save face and change your mind.  There is an art to changing your mind.  Christian’s can change their mind and stand on higher principals of love and acceptance.  But if they did they would have to accept love in all it’s forms.  My gay brothers and sisters would have to have a lot of compassion and understanding while we all grew together and come out of this cave.  And we’d have to remember that there are going to be those who are SO committed that we stay where we are that they will use any means necessary to keep us there…including dividing us, killing us and separating us inside our communities.  If there is a devil…surely this is it.

So what now?  We are on the cusp of something big…I can feel it.  All the distractions and smokescreens that will be thrown our way cannot take us off course from our journey together.  But they will try.  Chic Fil A is a distraction/shadow.  Sarah Palin eating at their place and flaunting it is a distraction/shadow.  Hate groups aren’t anything new…but they are also a distraction.  The KKK was a distraction.  It’s ALL a distraction.  It’s nothing but shadows.  So let’s get our head back in the game here and look for a way to bring this together.  There is a new world coming…and a new world in the morning, that’s today.

Be kind to each other.  For everyone (all of us) is fighting a hard battle.

Thank you dad (and mom) for the inspiration for this.  You did a great job with me and I love you for it.

Harold

About a week ago I was commenting on some photos on InstaGram.  Someone had posted a really horrible comment about gay youth and how they should just go ahead and do everyone a favor and end their lives.  They also said some crappy things about the suicide rate rising among gay youths was a good thing, that it was taking care of a problem in society.  These comments were coming from another teenage girl.  It was hard not to get angry at her.  And her friends were equally disgusting.  They freely quoted the bible as the justification for their comments and reasoning. My first reaction was to bombard the posting with comments of my own, which a lot of people seemed to be trying to do.  But these girls were armed with enough information to hurt others, which is what most people do when they don’t understand something.  And most disturbing…they learn this from people in charge.  Parents who say things and people from their church who spew hate while preaching love and tolerance.  I’m not the first person to post something about this so this isn’t anything new.  It feels hopeless to ever try to change their minds or their thinking.

But then I remembered something that I had made a huge difference for me!  I remembered that I don’t have any control over their speaking and thinking.  I don’t have any power over the adults who will continue to pray for us but spew hateful things while singing hymns.  I don’t have any control over any of that.  But….I do have control over me.

I don’t believe I was born any certain way.  I don’t know if God made me this way.  I don’t know if my upbringing, my friends, my baby food, my medicines, my clothes, our financial status when growing up, or having all sisters made me gay.  And in the long run, would any of that really matter?  Would it really matter if any of that was the source of my sexuality?  I love being gay and I thank God every day I got to be the man I am.

So, No.  It wouldn’t matter.  Because here I am now.  Lady Gaga sings Born This Way.  I think it’s something bigger than being born this way and so we can’t help it.  It’s not our fault…we were born this way.  I think Mother Monster actually meant something bigger.  (I love you Lady Gaga!!)

10 years ago I actually chose my life.  I chose the life I have.  I chose to embrace who I knew myself to be and gave my self permission to choose to be gay.  That’s right.  I said I chose to be gay.  I chose everything that is including in that choice.  I am responsible for my life and who I am right now.  Not the people who think they can pray for me or hope I change or ask God to forgive me for my “ways.”

I remembered this while those little girls where saying what they were saying.  I remembered thinking to myself “they don’t have a choice.”  They didn’t have a choice to be accepting or not.  They are being fed this constant stream of out-dated thinking toward other people.  They are baby girls with futures in front of them just like every other child out there.  And their future isn’t any less bright than any other child’s future.  And our job is to educate them that they have a choice, too.  They can choose their life, exactly as it is, and exactly as it isn’t, but they don’t know that!  And when you can choose your life this way, you have freedom.  You have the freedom to be whomever you want to be or not to be.

So, my response to the InstaGram stream was simple.  I hope it makes a difference for anyone out there struggling with this.  Being born this way (any way you think you might have been born) plus choosing the life you have, equals amazing power and freedom.

So to all the teens out there struggling or wondering if something is wrong with you….no matter what anyone says….no matter what anyone in charge may say…no matter what your parents say…no matter what your pastor says….no matter what your family says, you are perfect.  And you are fabulous in every way.  But don’t take my word for it!  The best way to find out if this is true is to go live life so fully and fabulously that even the dirt on the street says how fabulous you are!

Go…live life and be fabulous!  And choose life every time!  If for any reason you, or someone you know, is struggling with their sexuality or thinking they are not worth living life fully, it’s our job to remind them how awesome and amazing they are.

I love you and honor you and wish you nothing but the best in life.  You can email me or comment here if you need any help!  Click the picture below to be taken to the Born This Way Foundation that Lady Gaga and her mom created or you can go to BornThisWay.org.  Thank you for reading and I love you!

I gave up Diet Coke last week. I’ve long heard it was bad for me, etc. I read a lot of web articles and found horrifying things and some not so bad things. Everyone says its bad for you. but people continue to imbibe. I’m not a preachy person (about most things) and I’m not going to start. I don’t really know anything about Diet Coke, other than its been my best friend for a very long time. We’ve woken up together in the morning and watched Good Morning America. We’ve watched movies together. We’ve gone out to eat and always preferred the company of DC rather than DP (you know who you are). And we’ve worked long days and catered events together. But sadly I ha to say goodbye to my dear friend Diet Coke. You told me we were friends to my face, but you were stabbing me in the back while we made the world smile. I even turned my other friends on to you. And you took them and me for granted. I’m not angry you did it. I always knew in the back of my mind we would never work out forever. But it didn’t stop me from trying.

In the past week and a half, I’ve not had any headaches other than minor caffeine struggles in the beginning. Nothing I would want to go through again, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I’ve felt less swollen in my joints. My knees and legs don’t hurt as much. And I’ve grown to like sparkling mineral waters. I’ve been able to sleep a little better. And I’ve gotten more aware of what I’m putting in my body. I’m not perfect with it and I do miss your company. Nothing feels better than eating something salty and chasing it with your sweet burn. But the possible circumstances and unknown-ness of your safety overall were too much of a risk.

So I wish you well Diet Coke. I know lots of people will continue to love and adore you. You’ve gotten me through some good and bad times in my life. But this is where we go our separate ways. Goodbye.

I thought I would share with you my personal mantras for getting in action.
I’ve LONG lived by these, but never found as eloquent a way to share…so here they are:

Mantra One

Mantra Two

Mantra Three

I’m going to tell you about one of my absolute favorite Apps on my iPad and iPhone.  Hell it’s even one of my favorite websites.  I can’t think of a single App I read more than this one.  I first found it when cruising Apple’s App Store.  I really had no intention to buy an App that talks about other Apps.  I could read all the reviews and information myself thank you very much!  But there was something really special about this App.  I went to their website, appadvice.com, and enjoyed the content and the reviews.  But I especially loved the App Guides they provided.  A lot of Apps in the store don’t give you a detailed enough description to work the app at it’s best.  So this was a refreshing change of pace.

The reason why I’m reviewing their App itself is because I think it is invaluable as a resource for your iPad and iPhone.  It is so well worth the $1.99 and you’ll save yourself a lot of money buying Apps they recommend and not the one’s the App Store tends to rush out without description.

The first thing is there are two versions of this App.  The iPhone version is a streamlined version with tabs on the opening page for you to select through.  They include App News, App Guides, Lists, Reviews, New Apps, App Updates, App Sales and, my favorite, Appisodes.  Yes…they actually do video versions of their reviews with a really funny and talented host to show you how the apps actually work, or don’t!

The iPad version is my favorite.  It’s a beautifully presented format with lots of content, photos, links and videos.  It’s mostly the same content, but you can select which iDevice you would like to read more about in the preferences.  So if you want to read more about iPhone Apps, that’s cool.  Just select that in the preference tab and it will filter your results automatically.  One more thing, they actually put on all their reviews if they are for iPhone, iPad, or universal if designed for either one.  You’ll enjoy reading all about them.

I don’t work for AppAdvice.com.  I would love to because I think it’s such a great resource and what is better than reviewing Apps and telling everyone about the cool things out there?!  Nothing that I can think of beats that!!

I know this quote has been made and heard a lot lately, especially since the death of Steve Jobs.  But I wanted you to re-read it and think of yourself as one of those crazy ones.  One of the ones who sees things differently.  One of those who can’t be ignored because they change things.  So, please re-read it again for yourself.  I did this morning and it was enough to get me out of bed and get me back in action for life today.  Hope you find strength in it today as well…