The Formula For Power… (a message for all the gay teens out there)

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About a week ago I was commenting on some photos on InstaGram.  Someone had posted a really horrible comment about gay youth and how they should just go ahead and do everyone a favor and end their lives.  They also said some crappy things about the suicide rate rising among gay youths was a good thing, that it was taking care of a problem in society.  These comments were coming from another teenage girl.  It was hard not to get angry at her.  And her friends were equally disgusting.  They freely quoted the bible as the justification for their comments and reasoning. My first reaction was to bombard the posting with comments of my own, which a lot of people seemed to be trying to do.  But these girls were armed with enough information to hurt others, which is what most people do when they don’t understand something.  And most disturbing…they learn this from people in charge.  Parents who say things and people from their church who spew hate while preaching love and tolerance.  I’m not the first person to post something about this so this isn’t anything new.  It feels hopeless to ever try to change their minds or their thinking.

But then I remembered something that I had made a huge difference for me!  I remembered that I don’t have any control over their speaking and thinking.  I don’t have any power over the adults who will continue to pray for us but spew hateful things while singing hymns.  I don’t have any control over any of that.  But….I do have control over me.

I don’t believe I was born any certain way.  I don’t know if God made me this way.  I don’t know if my upbringing, my friends, my baby food, my medicines, my clothes, our financial status when growing up, or having all sisters made me gay.  And in the long run, would any of that really matter?  Would it really matter if any of that was the source of my sexuality?  I love being gay and I thank God every day I got to be the man I am.

So, No.  It wouldn’t matter.  Because here I am now.  Lady Gaga sings Born This Way.  I think it’s something bigger than being born this way and so we can’t help it.  It’s not our fault…we were born this way.  I think Mother Monster actually meant something bigger.  (I love you Lady Gaga!!)

10 years ago I actually chose my life.  I chose the life I have.  I chose to embrace who I knew myself to be and gave my self permission to choose to be gay.  That’s right.  I said I chose to be gay.  I chose everything that is including in that choice.  I am responsible for my life and who I am right now.  Not the people who think they can pray for me or hope I change or ask God to forgive me for my “ways.”

I remembered this while those little girls where saying what they were saying.  I remembered thinking to myself “they don’t have a choice.”  They didn’t have a choice to be accepting or not.  They are being fed this constant stream of out-dated thinking toward other people.  They are baby girls with futures in front of them just like every other child out there.  And their future isn’t any less bright than any other child’s future.  And our job is to educate them that they have a choice, too.  They can choose their life, exactly as it is, and exactly as it isn’t, but they don’t know that!  And when you can choose your life this way, you have freedom.  You have the freedom to be whomever you want to be or not to be.

So, my response to the InstaGram stream was simple.  I hope it makes a difference for anyone out there struggling with this.  Being born this way (any way you think you might have been born) plus choosing the life you have, equals amazing power and freedom.

So to all the teens out there struggling or wondering if something is wrong with you….no matter what anyone says….no matter what anyone in charge may say…no matter what your parents say…no matter what your pastor says….no matter what your family says, you are perfect.  And you are fabulous in every way.  But don’t take my word for it!  The best way to find out if this is true is to go live life so fully and fabulously that even the dirt on the street says how fabulous you are!

Go…live life and be fabulous!  And choose life every time!  If for any reason you, or someone you know, is struggling with their sexuality or thinking they are not worth living life fully, it’s our job to remind them how awesome and amazing they are.

I love you and honor you and wish you nothing but the best in life.  You can email me or comment here if you need any help!  Click the picture below to be taken to the Born This Way Foundation that Lady Gaga and her mom created or you can go to BornThisWay.org.  Thank you for reading and I love you!

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Only You Can Prevent This…

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When I was younger we had to do a project in school.  I was very excited about it, because once my teacher told me what the project was going to be, I immediately knew what I was going to do!  I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want anyone to take my idea!  (Something I continue to do to this day for some reason.)  Anyway….we had to create a poster demonstrating Fire Prevention…it was Fire Prevention week as I remember.  The Fire Marshall and Smokey The Bear were going to come to our school and judge the posters for the best one!  I was so excited.  I loved Smokey The Bear.  I had a hat just like this one when I was in school…and I just loved him so much.  Image

I ran home to put my poster together and I kept it all very secret.  I worked quietly on it in my room upstairs. The shag carpet burning my knees as I carefully placed each piece of magic on the poster board.  It was a white poster board.  So anything that showed up on it would be bright and stark.  I loved the white space…so much room to create with.

I brought my poster to school the day the judging was supposed to take place.  I was nervous.  I couldn’t focus on anything until I knew for sure Smokey had seen my poster.  I just knew he was going to love it.  And the Fire Marshall was particularly handsome, which didn’t seem unusual to me.  I didn’t know all the other boys didn’t care about such things.  But I just knew I was going to impress him, too.

We went to the gymnasium where all of the posters where hanging around the walls of the gym.  We all walked around the gym and admired each other’s work.  I already knew mine was going to win so all of this was just a formality you see.  But I walked around smugly and so confident of my work.  I even remember passing my poster thinking it was so awesome and brilliant.  And it was…and so was I for thinking of it.  Such a smart little boy I was.  Until…

The Fire Marshall and Smokey The Bear walked into the gym and walked around looking at all the posters.  My heart raced.  Would he love it as much as I’d hoped he would??  Would he break into applause?  How would Smokey show how much he loved me and my poster?  A hug?  A handshake?  I was ok with all of the options!

They walked up to my poster and were whispering to each other.  This was it.  It was a quiet conversation confirming the obvious.  The Fire Marshall took my poster from the wall.  He rolled it up and handed it to the lady who was walking around with the entourage.  They walked around the room to look at the other posters and I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest!  This was EVEN BETTER THAN I HAD HOPED!  They loved it so much they had to take it on stage with them to show everyone!  Finally…my genius would be rewarded!

They handed the rolled up poster to my teacher.  She looked over at me and smiled.  I grinned back at her on the edge of my seat.  They were going to ask  me to come up so I had to get ready to excuse myself down the aisle of losers sitting beside me.  Poor kids.  They didn’t know what was about to happen.

As I stood up and walked toward my teacher, she leaned down and said she was sorry.  My poster had been disqualified.  What the hell is disqualified?  What did that mean?  Did that mean it was so extraordinary that it had this special term I had never heard of?  Unfortunately, it did not.

Needless to say I didn’t win any awards that day.  I didn’t win anything but confusion and heartbreak.  I was devastated.  But I loved my poster and remembered what I had done for many years after.

One day, about 6 months ago I was reminded of that experience when I was on a shopping app on my iPad.  It literally made me gasp.  Did they know?  Was this a sign of some type from the universe?  What in gay hell had just happened??  There it was.  A piece of artwork that looked so similar to my childhood poster that the same body sensations I’d had so long ago were suddenly present all over again.  Smokey had came to my mind all over again.

The poster I made was made with matches that spelled out “DON’T PLAY WITH MATCHES!”

This was the poster I saw (and immediately ordered online!)

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The art was done by an artist and here’s her statement about creating it:

Artist Dánica Conneely explains her process in crafting this work of art. “I laid each individual piece down with tweezers. It took me all night. I should have lit it on fire after I was done.” This print stems from a photograph of the innovative work that will inspire you to think different and create boldly.

I don’t have a picture of the poster I did.  But I never forgot it.  And now that I’ve got this print, which will be hanging in my office very shortly, I don’t ever have to.  I love what the artist says that it will hopefully inspire you to think differently and create boldly.  Which, even as a child, I was already doing.  Thank you Smokey!

P.S. I think it’s funny that I also got a link sent to me in an email several years ago if I remember correctly.  The link took me to this picture…which I still remember laughing my ass off….it still makes me!

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In Memoriam…

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I gave up Diet Coke last week. I’ve long heard it was bad for me, etc. I read a lot of web articles and found horrifying things and some not so bad things. Everyone says its bad for you. but people continue to imbibe. I’m not a preachy person (about most things) and I’m not going to start. I don’t really know anything about Diet Coke, other than its been my best friend for a very long time. We’ve woken up together in the morning and watched Good Morning America. We’ve watched movies together. We’ve gone out to eat and always preferred the company of DC rather than DP (you know who you are). And we’ve worked long days and catered events together. But sadly I ha to say goodbye to my dear friend Diet Coke. You told me we were friends to my face, but you were stabbing me in the back while we made the world smile. I even turned my other friends on to you. And you took them and me for granted. I’m not angry you did it. I always knew in the back of my mind we would never work out forever. But it didn’t stop me from trying.

In the past week and a half, I’ve not had any headaches other than minor caffeine struggles in the beginning. Nothing I would want to go through again, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I’ve felt less swollen in my joints. My knees and legs don’t hurt as much. And I’ve grown to like sparkling mineral waters. I’ve been able to sleep a little better. And I’ve gotten more aware of what I’m putting in my body. I’m not perfect with it and I do miss your company. Nothing feels better than eating something salty and chasing it with your sweet burn. But the possible circumstances and unknown-ness of your safety overall were too much of a risk.

So I wish you well Diet Coke. I know lots of people will continue to love and adore you. You’ve gotten me through some good and bad times in my life. But this is where we go our separate ways. Goodbye.

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The New iPad…

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Of course you know by now that I am an absolute fanboy of the highest magnitude. When I first heard about the new iPad I was really excited. I wasn’t sure why I was excited other than the usual reasons. But something seemed really amazing about this particular iPad. I remember when the iPhone 3 switched to iPhone 4 with the Retina Display. My eyes were completely shocked! It was so hard to look at the iPhone 3 after that…it looked crappy! I couldn’t imagine that my eye had not caught the lack of detail that I now saw on my new iPhone. This experience was the exact same thing when I opened the box to my new iPad. Looking at the comparisons of the iPad 2 and the new iPad it really is hard to tell from looking at the screen. It’s like watching a preview for an iMax movie on a standard definition television screen! You can’t explain it. You just have to see it.

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I could feel another difference immediately was the weight. It isn’t much heavier. But I’m amazed at how much a difference this makes in my hand. The weight, of course, is to make room for the new battery that is required for the new iPad and you can feel it. You can also feel the heat from the battery when it is processing all the data for the retina screen. It’s not terribly annoying, but you do feel it. I guess its a trade off for a beautiful screen shot! If you didn’t have an iPad 2 it probably won’t be noticeable. But you will certainly love the lighter feeling and thinness if you are moving from a first generation iPad.

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The new camera is pretty amazing as well. It’s a similar camera to the iPhone 4S, which I take ALL my pictures with. It’s such an amazing camera that I just can’t imagine using anything else, short of moving to an actual professional camera. I love the Apps I can use to edit the photos and really love the Photo Stream capabilities that the iCloud makes possible. I can now take a picture on my iPhone and immediately edit it on my iPad, which has a lot more apps to choose from and is easier to see the details.

I can’t tell you to run out and get a new iPad just yet. The problem with upgrades in technology moving and changing so quickly is that we’ve come to expect massive leaps. This isn’t a massive leap, and probably not a required leap. But I will tell you that looking at the screen and feeling the power behind the processor and the LTE connection speed…which is WAY faster than my home internet connection…makes it a compelling reason to update. I’m one of the early adopters, meaning I love the cutting edge stuff that isn’t all worked out and perfect. I love the exploration of new products. And, lets be honest, no technology upgrade in the last three years is done and completed they are all moving forward in ways we’ve never imagined. If you have an iPad 1, I’d say go upgrade immediately. You will NOT regret it at all. If you have an iPad 2, I’d say you could wait for the next version of the iPad, but you don’t have to. It is here now. The future of tablets IS this new iPad and lucky for your eyeballs, it’s here to stay.

If you have questions or comments, let me know! This is a very brief review of the new iPad. I’ll post more articles as I get more experience with it. For those of you who’ve gotten your new iPad today…welcome to the future in your hands!